What you need to know about wax play, according to an expert (2024)

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We're diving into all things sex tech here at Reviewed, and one of our goals is to help you understand and encounter the wide landscape of kink with all the tools you need. Among the many topics we're covering is wax play, or the practice of erotic play that utilizes warm or hot wax on the body.

In order to get a better sense of what it means to get started with wax play, and how to do it safely, we spoke to Carol Queen, the in-house sexologist for Good Vibes, a sex toy distributor. Good Vibes itself carries toys vibrators, dildos, lube—and a wide array of candles for wax play. Queen has a PhD in sexology, and has written and educated about sex for Good Vibes since 1990.

What you need to know about wax play, according to an expert (1)

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Our interview with Carol Queen

How would you describe wax play to someone who had never encountered it before?

Wax play is a sensuous and/or kinky form of body stimulation/erotic play that involves dripping warm or hot wax onto the body.

Where does wax play fall in the broad scheme of kink?

It's especially related to the sensation play family of activities—this is one of the types of play that kink fans and sexologists are referring to when they say 'The entire body is a sensual organ.' While it's possible to involve the genitals with wax play, that isn't always included. (That skin is likely to be more sensitive so proceed carefully if genital wax play is something you want to try.)

Additionally, it can be considered part of D/s or intense sensation in a sadism/masochism context if the wax is hot, and it can partner beautifully with bondage and sensory deprivation.

What are your best safety tips for experimenting with wax play?

Choose candles or other sources of melted wax that do not have too high a melting point. This can include scented and colored candles, especially the former (and scents might irritate the skin for some people). Beeswax is likely to burn hotter also. If you choose a candle with a wick that tends to break down, that's a potentially unsafe situation too, for burns as well as fire.

Besides choosing the wax type, choose the kind of candle you will use: taper, column, in glass or some other container, tea light/votives. You will need to be able to handle it comfortably and safely; make sure you can grasp it without burns (or dropping it!) when the wax has melted and heated up.

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When you begin, explore the temperature and the wax consistency. Dropping the wax onto a partner's body from a lower height means it will be somewhat hotter, but will also be easier to control re: where you aim it. (Negotiate ahead of time where the wax recipient wants it to fall.) Releasing the wax from a greater height will allow it to cool a bit more, but it will also potentially splatter further. Make sure the wax doesn't hit the face and hair (unless that's negotiated—I warn you it'll be a drama to remove from hair!—but in any event keep it out of the eyes).

Beyond all this, making sure you are being fire-safe! It's safer to have a candle in a container than a taper, because you can set it down more easily and know it will be pretty stable. Have something on hand to put out a fire though—water, a small fire extinguisher, a bowl of fresh cat litter or something like that. Make sure your environment isn't cluttered up so it would be hard to set the candle somewhere safe.

What’s the difference, beyond the practical difference in materials, between wax play and massage oil play?

Usually the biggest difference is how hot the wax or oil is, and this will have an effect on the "kink quotient" of the play, all else being equal. Massage candle wax won't harden as much as paraffin; it will stay liquid or semi-liquid on the body, meaning it's much more natural to rub it in rather than let it set and scrape it off.

So the two kinds of play to some extent separate themselves into more sensual vs. more sensation-based (and hence potentially kink-flavored). To blur that difference, add rope or bondage gear, a blindfold, or other kink options.

Are massage oil candles a good first step for beginners?

They are a great first step in a few ways. The oil-based wax has a low melting point so is not likely to hurt or burn. This allows a safe context for people to play with wax dripping so both partners get used to what it's like to do it; this can come in handy if they switch to non-oil wax. As I mentioned, adding kink elements to a massage candle scene is very possible, so beginners can dress it up that way and still have a safer scenario to explore. And for some new (and experienced!) kinksters, being able to switch up the energy of BSDM play and end up in more sensual play is a lovely transition.

Shop massage oils at Good Vibes

BTW I recommend against using the oil from a massage candle as a sexual lubricant. If partners decide to do this, use a candle that's unscented—scented lube is not recommended.

Are there any extra steps people should take when it comes to preparing for or cleaning up after wax play?

Yes, this can be messy play! Remember that massage oil in particular doesn't set up on the body, at least not right away, so it will run, possibly get on the sheets, etc. I'd recommend a Fascinator Throw for easier cleanup. For paraffin wax that will set, you might want to save older sheets as a base to play on; these can be discarded if necessary.

Do a patch test before play to make sure the wax doesn't cause irritation. If the person has much body hair and you're using the type of wax that hardens, oil them up first on the furry parts.

You'll want to take set-up wax off the body with the edge of a credit card or something similar that will scrape off the residue but not harm the skin. If the person who received the wax shows signs of irritation, having soothing lotion, aloe or Benadryl cream (or similar) is wise. (Also, remember that if someone is allergic to reactive to foodstuffs or chemicals in makeup or such, that ingredient might not be safe for their skin either.)

As [Good Vibes'] website notes, "Test out a small area of skin to see if there's any sensitivities or allergic reactions before covering other erogenous zones. For easy removal, use a scraping device (such as a plastic card) to scrape the wax off their body when done, spank it off with a flogger, comb it, use ice and water, scratch it off with nails, or use natural oils to massage into the skin and hydrate the skin while removing the wax. Keep the wax away from any mucous membranes, keep it outside of the body, and avoid eyes and hair. Make sure to keep the candle away from any flammable materials."

What are some common misconceptions about wax play?

It's always supposed to hurt; the intention is to burn the person being splashed with wax; it is always a kinky activity (massage candles give you the option to skip the kink). I personally feel there's some focus on how potentially dangerous this play can look without a consideration of how awesome it can, for those who eroticize it, feel.

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